I will come back, someday. Home.

Makassar.
Kota Istimewa, the sunshine heaven on the earth.
Katanya.

Katanya manusia-manusia penghuninya.
Manusia-manusia yang pernah menyapanya.
Manusia-manusia yang sempat singgah sejenak.
Manusia-manusia yang memilihnya sebagai rumah selamanya.

Saya, pun, menjadikan Makassar rumah favorit saya.
Rumah yang saya tinggali selama lebih dari dua puluh tahun.
Pun, kota yang benar-benar saya benci karena ada beberapa peristiwa patah hati dan menyedihkan yang menjadikan saya setengah hidup.

Separuh nyawa saya tertinggal di kota itu, separuhnya tersisa di tubuh saya.

Separuh nyawa yang tersisa di tubuh saya memustuskan untuk menjadi pekerja.
Berhenti merasa.
Dan berkelit dari kehangatan bercengkrama dengan sesama manusia.

Mungkin saya sudah lelah, kata manusia jaman sekarang.
Saya akhirnya membuat rencana, memohon kepada Yang Kuasa agar membawa saya pergi.
Pergi meninggalkan Makassar untuk menata hati dan meregenerasi jiwa saya.
Entah itu dengan bersekolah atau mengembangkan karir profesional di sudut bumi lain.

Jikalau saya melangkah keluar, barangkali saya mampu menghidupkan separuh lagi nyawa saya.
Saya berusaha sekian keras untuk mewujudkan itu.
Nyatanya, saya merasa lebih sakit.
Penolakan demi penolakan, juga beberapa urusan terus membayang di belakang saya
karena penyelesaiannya terus saya tunda.
Saya pun semakin tak hidup.
Saya kehilangan kemampuan berbicara, kemampuan menyusun kata per kata menjadi kalimat penyampai rasa atau gagasan.

Perjuangan saya memasuki satu universitas ke universitas lain pun semakin sulit dan tak pula kunjung membawa hasil berarti.
Belum lagi dari kantor-kantor yang saya datangi.
Sembilan memang bukan angka besar untuk penolakan.
Dan waktu menganggur enam bulan masih tergolong belum lama.
Namun cukup besar dan lama untuk saya melihat kembali rencana saya.
Untuk mengukur kembali kemampuan saya, sudah siapkah untuk memulai kehidupan 180 derajat berbeda?

Saya sedih.
Saya bingung.
Saya pun semakin lelah.
Akhirnya saya menghabiskan waktu di kamar, beristirahat atau lebih tepatnya bermalas-malasan.

Hingga seorang teman mengobrol datang dengan berbagai kalimat wise-nya.
Dan sampai detik ini saya sangat bersyukur mempunyai teman seperti dia.
Teman yang mampu membuat saya kembali menjadi manusia, walaupun belum total utuh.
Setidaknya dia menyadarkan saya kalau masih ada satu kesempatan jika saya mau bersungguh-sungguh.

Saya tidak boleh menyerah.
Saya tidak boleh patah semangat.
Saya hanya butuh rehat lalu kembali berlatih, memantapkan kemampuan
sebelum kembali lagi meneruskan perjuangan.

Tuhan memang Maha Baik, rencananya kini mendamparkan saya ke ibu kota negara Indonesia, Jakarta.
Mempertemukan saya dengan banyak orang hebat yang menjadi pelajaran berharga buat saya.
Meskipun hanya merangkak, tapi sedikit demi sedikit saya merasa jauh lebih baik.
Jauh lebih hidup.
Juga jadi merindukan Makassar yang saya tinggalkan.
Jatuh cinta lagi dengan rumah saya.

Saya akan pulang, pulang ke Makassar.
Suatu hari nanti.
Ke rumah di mana saya mampu memilih siapa saja anggota keluarga saya.
Ke rumah, di mana saya selalu bisa kembali.

P.S: Semoga saya tidak pulang sendirian :p

JDwianri. Jakarta, 1 November 2014.

[Review] Our Best Time [Story by: Gong Ji Young, Art by Mizu Sahara]

Watashitachi no Shiawase na Jikan by Gong Ji-young

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


10 am on Thursday. this is the only time we can live.
-

This is my poorly written diary... To the people who feel worried about the words I write, what's in a driary is not exempt from punishment.

However, this was a chance for me to visit my mindset several months ago.

Back then, I dreaded sun's rays... Because when I was in the dark, I thought I could live unaffected by the true identity of the things that coiled.

The first time I met him was during a time like that...

The 1st Meeting: No. 3987

Around when November was coming to an end, I tested... Death

"To me, the hours that pass by each day are just an agony that I want to throw in the trash."

"No. 3987. That man... has attempted suicide countless time in prison just like you."
-

My second encounter with hime was the horrible things I heard about him.

The 2nd Meeting: Piano.

To be honest, I didn't really like the piano that much. But I played it, because it made my aunt, my cousin Hide, and my mom happy.

My mom was always yelling, and she'd only quiet down when she was listening to me play the piano.

So I played. For her sake...

"When she plays the piano, I can't hear a single bad thing, so it makes me feel better. I can't hear your... crying either."

"I am never playing the piano again!"
-

My third encounter with him occured through my misfortune...

The 3rd Meeting: The Bigot

For fourteen years, I had a secret that I couldn't tell anyone.

I don't know why I confessed all the sorrow that had collected inside my chest to him back then.

Was it because I was drunk? Because I thought he was going to die soon, anyway? Or because I knew that he was the same kind of person as me?

"I came because I didn't understand... Why someone like me, who wants to kill so badly, is running free... While someone like you, who trembles and begs for forgiveness, is locked up in here..."

"Next Thursday, at 10 AM... If I'm still alive then, please stop by. I also would like to talk... with you."
-

From my fourth encounter with him onwards, we competed to see who could talk the most.

The 4th Meeting: Sylvia.

We were only granted 30 minutes every Thursday.

Today may be the last day...

And so we continued to talk, even about trivial little things, and even if our throuats became sore...

"Today's a snow day. It's snowing. So Isn't it 'Sylvia's Day'?"
-

The 5th Meeting: Sketch Book

I decided to draw.

Because he had such a great regard for even trivial things...

I took notice of them for the first time.

Where I had thought there was only darkness, there are actually radiant, sparkling things that exist....

"You really are a lot like her. Maybe that's why she's changed. and you are the one who changed her."

"You've been sending me letters, right? I want to write back, but I don't have any talent for it. From your talks you really seemed to be attached to how things look outside. So... I wanted to atleast draw them to show you..."

"If you could, please draw my face sometime... If you draw a picture of me, maybe I'll be able to like it..."
-

The 6th Meeting: The Secret Letter

The answer that people who have witnessed a murder give about the existence of the death penalty...

The answer that people who have seen a criminal be executed give to activists who want the death penalty repealed...

If those answers were to finally satisfy our egos, and some distinguished person was to make a firm decision on it, we wouldn't be distressed about it...

"I have no complaints about being here in prison... I understand being hated all too well. I have no regrets..."
-

The 7th Meeting: Augustine.

Next Thusrday is Christmas. So my aunt and I attended Yuu's baptism.

His Christian name is Augustine.

"Lately... I've been scared of time passing... I wonder what I'd do if his sentence was carried out tomorrow. He told me himself that he has no complaints about where he stands... I'm the one who's frightened.”

"I didn't have any regrets. But for a while now... I wait for Thursday to come. I realized I'm chasing after day. That's right, today's only Monday, isn't it? It's still quite a while until Thursday."
-

The Last Meeting: The Opened Piano.

There are more things that I cared about. There were also things i didn't want to lose.

To the some extent, there were also more things that I didn't want to see, and more things that I thought would be horrible.

I knew that, in life, both sides are essential.

"The piano... If you can, I'd like to hear you play the piano one more time..."

"I'll play. And in return... Will live another year for me?"
-----------------------

I found this manga when I do some research about some angst stories, which is my favorite genre. And it's already countless time I re-read it, but it still give the same feeling as the first time.

At first, I just read this because someone said it's heart wrenching like the other one shot made by the same artist, so I tried reading this not expecting anything about the story. But first chapter.. up until the last, they were all bittersweet and heartbreaking.

The realistic taste involved had become unbearable, but professionally done as the author explores the areas of self redefinition after terribly tragic incidences have happened to the main characters. How they each overcome their own past through mutual support is perhaps what makes this story such a great read.

"Thanks to the Thursdays that I spent with you, I knew for the first time how it felt to be happy."

"It's thanks to hime that I also understand... How to obtain the thing called happiness."


I CRIED. I Couldn't hold the tears any longer. I really cried like a baby at the ending and that I cried pretty much through the whole Manga when I understood where the story was leading. Though I wouldn't say that it will make absolutely everyone cry, but for the most part, it will remain with you for some time.

Eventhough I usually prefer angst story with cruel ending rather than happily ever after story, but just this time I hope it will end up with happiness for the characters. I was at least expecting they can escape their fates.. two broken people met, and their lives and beliefs were changed. But...

I can give the story and art 10/10. Especially the story, because it was a masterpiece and a hidden jewel. I usually don't give out 10/10 ratings, but this one definitely deserves it.

I haven't read something as touching as this for a long while. It was just brilliant. Even if the romance is subtle I can feel their emotions, their pain and needs. Their love is purely platonic. And the ending.. was just tragically beautiful. Argh I love it so much.

I wish Makoto Shinkai sensei will make the movie for it :')

P.S: I don't recommend this for anyone who can't stand Tragic story and please prepare your tissue box.



View all my reviews

Hello, Hauls!

I never know, drawing a line on your eyelids can make you feel so good!

World must be shock with my transformation now. Hahahhaha, I beat you this time, babe!

Why? Dunia yang dulu selalu ngejek dengan pertanyaan, "Emang iyad cewek?" sekarang harus mengakui kalau gue ini emang cewek! ;))

Maksud ngana? Okay let's click rewind button of my life.

Iyad kecil sampai tahun 2012 adalah anak yang super tomboy. Tercatat pernah diusir dari toilet cewek karena disangka salah masuk toilet cukup untuk membuktikan kalau iyad itu anaknya gak ada cewek-ceweknya. I dunno if I should proud of it or not actually -________-a

Jangankan make dan high heels ya, hand and body lotion dan bedak aja gue gak pake. Waktu itu gue gak terlalu peduli dengan outer look sih ya. Secara kulit gue emang gak terlalu bandel dan dari dasarnya emang cukup putih jadi sampai remaja, gak terlalu ada effect apa-apa sih dengan supercuek attitude itu. Rambut gue juga rutin dipotong dua bulan sekali, dan selalu dengan panutan hairstyle cowok manis. It was just really matching with me, fit with Makassar hot condition, and not really need much treatment.

Sampai nih ya, suatu hari gue harus berangkat buat KKN di daerah selama sebulan. Waktu itu kita dibagi perposko, setiap posko isinya dari berbagai fakultas. Di posko gue sendiri ada 10 orang, 5 cowok dan 5 cewek, dimana yang asalnya dari teknik cuma gue dan sisanya dari jurusan-jurusan sosial yang cukup dikenal dengan fashionista mereka.

Jujur aja sih, selama KKN itu gue cukup ngerasa tersisih. Why? Soalnya yang lain nganggap gue ini anak cowok dan walhasil gue cukup dicuekin sih -_- rese gak tuh? Ditambah cewek-cewek lainnya doyan banget hijabing dan dandan. makin keleleplah gue ini -___________-

Sesuai kata Rasul, kalau kalian berteman dengan penjual minyak wangi maka kalian akan ketulan wanginya, sedang kalau kita bergaul dengan tukang besi maka tertular pula asemnya. It was a true story. Lama kelamaan gue mulai tergerus untuk mencoba-coba bersolek. tsaah.

Gue mulai dengan lotion, powder, cleanser, toner, dan bb cream. kenapa? soalnya di sana itu panas banget banget banget! keluar sekali, langsung gosong! -_-

Selanjutnya, mereka menjerumuskan gue untuk berlajar jilbab ala hijaber (gue emang selalunya pakai jilbab standar aja sih, even to the party). Sampai akhirnya, gue gak bisa hidup tanpa eyeliner. ulalala. Sekarang gue udah punya sedos lebih skincare+makeup army dan puluhan makeup+hijab tutorial plus rambuut yang udah panjang. 180 degrees transformation, yaks :p

Pokoknya, gue gak bisa lagi keluar dengan bareface, walaupun make up yang gue pake gak menor-menor amat sih. Gue bisanya cuma semi make up doang habisnya (masih pemula). Intinya harus ada sun protectionnya (hand and body, mozturizer, bb cream, etc), powder, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, and lip tint. We ready to go! :*

Buat saat ini gue masih sering trial and error sih buat nyari yang pas. And luckly muka gue itu gak sensitif amat, jadi gonta-ganti buat nyoba gak ada effect-nya sama muka gue.

Since gue mulai menekuni bidang ini, gue juga jadi akrab sama haul. Sebelum beli product, gue suka cari-cara reviewnya dulu, gak maukan beli kucing dalam karung. That's why gue pikir kenapa juga gue gak coba buat haul untuk product-product yang gue coba?

Dan taraaaang! Muncullah tulisan ini. Sayangnya, gadget gue hilang waktu ekspedisi 'back to the nature' dan gadget sekarang bikin malas buat ngambil gambar-gambar product lagi soalnya qualitasnya gak bagus. So, I will just share list products that I will review!

1. Mizzu eyeliner and mascara
2. Cathy Doll Magic Cream
3. Cathy Doll Trio Lovely Lip Palate: Red Tone
4. Maybelline Baby Lip: Pink Lolita
5. Acnes: Facial Foam, Powder Lotion, UV Tint, and Pact Powder
6. Naked 2
7. Odbo Lip Tint: Red
8. Citra: Pearly Bodywash, Pearly white UV, Night Whitening, Pearly facial foam, and hazeline pearly moisturaraizer
9. Cathy Doll: Firming Chilli Bomb and Leg Essecnce
10. Dolly Wink Eyeliner
11. Maybelline Volume Express Mascara
12. Maybelline Clear Smooth Foundation
13. Youghurt Whitening 3 Minutes Body Mask

Itu aja sih dulu yang gue ingat. Banyak juga ya PR-nya. hahahaha. So, for haul-ers, please take care of me. Ini apa sih ya? -_-a

Okay, so maybe that's all for now. Anw, ini postingan gue yang pernah loh di 2014, yeah! Dan meskipun terlambat, tapi ya selamat tahun baru semuanya. semoga tahun ini bisa jadi lebih baik lagi dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya!

Ciaaaaaws!

-Newbie writer, iyad ;)